Farewell Japan!

Tomorrow I will be on a plane to China where I will sit in Beijing Airport for nine hours, clutching my bags and probably feeling really depressed. I remember when I had a ten hour layover in Germany after leaving France and how absolutely morose I felt the entire time. So far, getting ready to leave Japan has been far harder than leaving France. Perhaps it is because I have stayed in Osaka longer than I stayed in either Angers or Grenoble. Or maybe it is because I have met so many friends who I have had with me for the past eight months. Either way, I have bawled my eyes out last night and this morning, which is very out of character if you know me and my "I only cry maybe five times a year" policy. Even when I do cry it is usually only for a few moments then I am done, but this time it has been a constant, hour long cry fest. I don't know what to do with myself. Who is this person?

All jokes aside, I am very nervous to leave Japan and very emotional. I have anxiety, and I have come to learn how to manage it; however, these last few months in Japan my usual methods simply have stopped working. Breathing exercises work for a few seconds, but then the anxiety comes right back. It is miserable and painful, but I will find new ways to find relief.

I think that I have covered this before, but whenever someone asks me about how my time abroad went I am always faced with a conundrum. It is like trying to comprise everything that you have done in eight whole months together and give them one word about it. I have found out a way to get the point across by mostly saying, "There was everything, good, bad, happy, sad ... but that's what makes it the whole experience." I think people are usually surprised by the answer. It seems as though most people just want to hear you say how fantastic it was, since I guess most people associate bad with miserable and something you don't want. But when you go abroad, sometimes the bad is good. It is all a part of the experience. Without the bad, how do you fully appreciate the good? Sometimes it's nice to look back at how bad things went and laugh a little.

I'm not the type to have any regrets, but I do have one regret. It is a bit of a personal regret, but I think that I will be able to accept it eventually. I still have one day to maybe fix the regret; I will find out.

In Japan, I fell in love. No, really. I thought I had but when i "fell out" of love I realized that it hadn't been love, just strong crush feelings. However, there was someone else that I had fallen in love with, but it took me a long time to realize that. It is complicated. I haven't admitted anything but maybe I should before I leave. Then I will have no regrets left. Love is complicated. People are complicated. I am not usually a romantic or the type to fall in love, but I guess it took me by surprise. As someone recently told me, "Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time (place? I can't remember now)." It hurts, but what can you do?

Anyway, away from that ... Japan has been everything. I have experienced too much, and I don't think words are satisfactory enough. I love the friends I have made, and I love Japan. I can't choose between France and Japan because the experiences were so different. I love both countries. This is the end of my two year journey, and I thought I would have a lot to say, but I don't. I don't have words.

My host mother was so fantastic. She was like a real mother to me, just as my French host mother in Grenoble was. All of my host families have been fantastic and I can't choose between them.

Before I cry more (Zeus Almighty! What has happened to me?) I'll end this blog post with some of my favorite things about Japan and France:

1. French Healthcare. I've said it before and I'll say it again.
2. Trains! Trams!
3. Japan's obsession with cute/small things.
4. Both countries have such a long history.
5. Architecture.
6. French sense of humor.
7. Osaka's uniqueness in strict, serious Japan.
8. Japanese television.
9. Good food.
10. Game Centers in Japan (maybe the Lower 48 has this but Alaska sure doesn't ... maybe Anchorage but I'm not going to drive for six to seven hours for a Game Center).
11. Real spring.
12. Real autumn.

For now, that is all. This ends my two year journey. I have new journeys to experience, such as Hawaii and then rediscovering Alaska!

Farewell Japan!

~Until Next Time