Lost Inside the Mirror: I love trains.

But seriously.

It's been forever since I've updated, I know. Nearly two months now. The last two months have been stressful and long. To be honest, I've been a bit moody as well. Occasionally I fall into this mood where I have absolutely no motivation, bad anxiety, and kind of just hang out in this odd haze of melancholia. Usually it comes and goes, not lasting more than a week or so, but it's been hanging out more as of these last two months than the norm allows for.

Anyway, not too much happened in February. Went to Osaka castle and looked at the plum blossoms. The castle was a major disappointment, mostly because the inside was modernized with an elevator and everything. Albeit that, the outside was nice. There was a Chicken Ramen Museum field trip, and I received a grant from my university. One of the things that had been contributing to my melancholia was how I would always eat in my room. My host mom would bring my food to me there. It happened for about two-ish months when finally, last week I casually mentioned how eating alone was lonely. I guess it did have something to do with my host father, as she asked if I was okay to eat with him around. Apparently he has weirded out other students. But either way, now I eat with them and it is a lot better.

Other than that, there isn't a lot to update on. My pain has been gradually getting worse, and my pain pills aren't working as well as they used to. I worry about family at home on a daily basis, to the point it intermingles with my already bad case of nightmares. I have them at least three to four times a week, and it is rarely just ever one in one night. Sometimes I have up to four or five during one night. Honestly, I have no idea what to do with my life. I am dried up and out of loan money and I can't take anymore out this year. Besides, I really don't want to because I am already almost $40,000 in debt. So if I don't get a job this summer I can't return to school next semester. I'm pretty desperate for a job, will pretty much do anything. This has been ongoing for a long while, and maybe everything is just catching up with me.

But besides my complaining, I am a bit torn on the melancholia. Sometimes I like it because, honestly, my creativity goes up a lot during this time. On the other hand my motivation drops and I just lie around in "the haze". I feel like I am literally in a haze. My thoughts just kind of waver around and the world around me feels unreal. I escape into fantasy worlds where life is easier and I get stuck there with little to no intentions of getting out.

Well, that's enough of that. Let's return to the title of this entry: I love trains (high-speed rails). There are many reasons why I love trains and why you should love them too:

1. They are convenient.
2. Let's be honest, they are really awesome looking.
3. I enjoy how smooth they are while travelling. Also, I like the sounds of going over the train tracks.
4. They are apparently Green! Yay! Less carbon emission! Save the planet! I'm a hippy!
5. So fast.
6. In case you didn't know why people usually take buses or trains ... in the end, it's because they are cheaper than buying a car and paying for gas. Except buses are really expensive in Japan ... not sure what that's about really ...
7. You can go lots of places! More opportunities!
8. Cozy. Sleep-inducing.
9. People watching!
10. Because they are awesome.

I read this article that talked about how they were looking into a train system that would go through the U.S., up through Canada and Alaska then speed through Russia. I really hope they do something like that, since I recall stops in Fairbanks and Anchorage. I imagine that it would make it easier for Alaskans to leave Alaska, and maybe influence more Alaskans to get passports.

So, for today, that's all I have. Some complaining about melancholia and some train talk. I hope it wasn't terribly boring! I'll leave you with some food photos (all taken by me).

Just some soba (noodles) with a steamed bun.

This goes into nabe (hot pot), they are see-through noodles that are kind of slimy but delicious.

Some kind of cookie-thing. It was delicious.

Takoyaki (little balls of flour, cabbage, and one other thing ... they also have octopus in it.) They are my second favorite Japanese food.

Some kind of seaweed food. It has a very nice flavor.

This was for New Year's. Miso soup with mochi (pounded rice cake) inside.

This was also for New Year's. Every food in it has some kind of signification (vitality, luck, money, et cetera).

This is eaten for a holiday where they throw rice outside to scare away bad spirits and demons. It is actually really big.

Valentine's Day chocolate from my host mom.

Natto, fermented beans. Really slimy and smells weird. It is one of those foods where people are really hesitant to try it, even some Japanese people don't like it. It wasn't bad.