What I want to be when I grow up

Considering that I am a senior in college, I should probably know what I want to do with my life, right?

No. 

I tell people that I will be teaching English abroad, which is something I wouldn't mind doing. It's not that it is something I don't want to do, it is just not what I would like to be doing as a career. I think it would be great to teach foreign students English, as I do love English and I do love other cultures. And if that doesn't work out I would like to go into the psychology field. These are things that I want to do that are realistic.

I know that people say, "follow your dreams!"

Sometimes I wonder, "what are my dreams? What is my ideal life?" Then I realize that my ideal life is not working, having no money problems with a relatively nice house, the chances to travel, a husband, kids, drawing or writing and learning all day long, being a philanthropist, and having a library in my house (that one is really important).

So okay. 

I am definitely a dreamer, but I also like to be realistic. I have to eventually work. I'd rather not be an actor, writer, or artist who scrimps by and has to have shitty jobs on the side as I wait for my big 'break-through' that may or may never come. Many people who know me know that I do a lot of art and I write a lot. People always suggest that I should do something with it. Do what? The 2D artist market is dying, and fast. Disney just let go a bunch of 2D artists. Then I'd have to find someone that likes my specific art-style. What many people do not understand about the fine arts is that it is extremely subjective. You get a job based on what other people like. Writing is similar. I love to write and draw, but I don't have to have a career in it to continue doing it ... or enjoy it. I'd love to work for Disney as a 2D artist or hit it big as an author, but I'm okay if that doesn't happen. It relies too heavily on chance! It doesn't matter what your degrees are, it matters about your skill and if others like it. I can still write and draw on the side.

Unfortunately, one thing that I have come to realize that I am very interested in is being a historian (ancient civilization dating back to ancient Mesopotamia, Babylon, Greece, Egypt, et cetera) or a folklorist or someone who does religion/mythology research and study. However, I don't know what it takes to be in that field. I don't know if I should have started out as a History major, or maybe it doesn't matter what your undergraduate degree is, but you have to go to graduate school. Can I even afford graduate school? I wonder if it is even too late to do that. Do those types of people even make a lot of money? This is something I would have to look into, but honestly, once I get my degree I would have to take a break and go teach English to foreigners anyway. Money is too important in this world.

The problem is that I am fickle and have many, many interests. 

The least I can do to achieve my ideal life is to have a job that's pay is efficient that I enjoy, even if it isn't the job I'd choose if there was a panel with all the options and I got a job based on that.

One of the biggest problems with teaching is that I am not a teacher type person. I've always had people suggest being a teacher. When I spent most of my life with music, people would suggest teaching music ... when people see my art they suggest teaching art ... when people know I like English ... et cetera. I have attempted to be a tutor. My patience level is too low and I don't know how to efficiently explain things. I understand how it works, why can't you? It isn't hard, why can't you do it right? How can you not understand the first time I explained it? 

This is why for the longest time I absolutely refused to become a teacher. I have always known that I will be a horrible teacher. I don't teach people. I would never recommend someone like me to be a teacher. In fact, if you have my mindset do not become a teacher, people don't want you teaching their kids.

So, uh ... why are you going to be a teacher then?

Why?

Because it is a problem that I am like that. I view it as a bad trait to not be able to teach people. Teachers tend to understand their subjects even more because of teaching. Also, I think my lack of teaching skills highlights my true lack of social skills. I have become much more patient in my life compared to even two years ago. The reason I want to teach now is because teaching is a form of learning, and I cannot say no to learning. I must learn to be more patient and I must learn to explain things more efficiently. I want to be able to share what I know with people. 

That is why. I don't think it would be a permanent job anyway because most programs that send people to teach English in foreign countries only do it for a set period of time (1-5 years generally). Honestly, I couldn't be a teacher forever. I could teach for a little while, but for the rest of my career? Nope. 

Also, it would be difficult to settle down if I just spent my life teaching abroad. I do wish to settle down in Alaska eventually.  

Either way, the future isn't set in stone, but currently that is my plan. 

Two weeks left and Stereotypes!

Two weeks from now I will most likely be sitting in the Seattle airport according to my travel itinerary. Many people ask me if I am happy to return home, which is a littler harder to answer than a simple yes or no would give. In ways I am very content to go home to Alaska, as I've been away for almost seven months. I miss my family, my home ... on the other hand, I have spent seven months in France. I love France. I have made many memories here, met many lovely people, and most of all ... I have experienced so much more in my life than I ever would have if I had not gone abroad. I enjoy speaking French every day, even though my English gets awkward sometimes because of it, but learning French has helped me understand my maternal language more than before. From my friends I've even managed to learn little phrases and words in other languages like Chinese, Korean, and Arabic. I mean, just a little, but I don't know if I would have ever learned how to say "hello", "goodbye", "thank you", or other small vocabulary words/phrases otherwise. I even learned how to spell my name in Arabic, my name's origin language.

I have learned so much about other cultures. There was so much I didn't know about China and Korea before now, or Saudi Arabia, or Germany, Brazil, Italy, Spain, Japan, Mali, Haiti, the list goes on. I've been able to ask people questions of their country and hear answers from their point of view instead of seeing how America sees them. It has been absolutely wonderful.

Right now, I am still waiting for an answer on whether or not I am fully accepted into the Osaka program in Japan. I was accepted by the abroad office at UAF, but am still waiting for the OGU program to accept me. I've been a little worried considering that I don't know whether or not my letter with all of the hardcopy information made it to them in time ... and I guess that they are very strict about when they receive it. If it was late then I suppose it is a no-go for me, though it's been almost a month. I imagine if the answer was no, they would have told me already? I don't know. I am too worried about heading back home than that at this moment.

I have been severely burned out by classes. Apathy has me in a tight grip and I can't seem to make myself motivated or care by any means. I feel as though I easily get burned out, one of the big reasons I went abroad in the first place was because of burnout. Perhaps I have an easy burnout personality? Either way, I only have one week left of classes.

Since I am at a strange part of my voyage, I do not know whether my next update will be right before I leave France or once I'm in Alaska. Perhaps this is my last French blog ... or not. It probably depends on how I feel within the next two weeks. However, to end this, I would like to go through a few French stereotypes I think are prevalent amongst Americans. Allow for me to state firsthand that there will be generalizations made because that is the whole point of a stereotype. Of course there are 'exceptions' and not 'everyone is like that'. I know that.

1. The French are rude.

Correction: Parisians are rude.
But really.
I see why people may find the French to be a bit rude. Their culture isn't as warm as American culture when it comes to strangers on the street (but if you are climbing or doing something recreational, you not saying bonjour is considered rude ... my host parents asked me why I never said bonjour while we would go out and climb and I was confused because if you smile at strangers on the street it freaks them out so ... yeah). However, I find that to be the end of their rudeness. Their privacy bubbles are a lot smaller than what Americans are used to, and that might contribute to Americans thinking them rude. Once you break the stranger barrier, they are very hospitable and nice people. Even before sometimes.

2. The French hate Americans.

I think that Americans think that everyone hates them or that everyone loves them. The truth of the matter is, I have not yet met one French person who hates America. Considering that they love our television, our clothing, our celebrities, our news, our everything ... I cannot say that they hate us. At all. I was told before I left Alaska to always say that I am Alaskan and not American because they are nicer to you if you do that. While that is true, I find that saying I'm American has given me nice receptions as well. So, no, the French don't hate us.

3. French women don't shave their armpits.

Well, now that it is spring and women are wearing less clothing ... yeah, no. Women shave their armpits here. However, when I asked my host mom about it, she said that in the winter there is little to no need to shave there. She said that shaving armpits is a newer thing, so I suppose the stereotype came from somewhere and it just is dying out now.

4. Bicycles everywhere.

Yes. Girls in skirts and heels even ride bicycles. It may be because the French drive like maniacs or because getting a license costs over 1000€.

5. The French are always on strike, having demonstrations ...

Yes ... yes. It is extremely inconvenient.

6. They always eat frog legs, escargot, and have a baguette under their arms.

Frog legs are hard to find and they are super expensive, and out of my two host families neither knew how to make them. The few French people that are around my age when they asked about stereotypes and I told them about escargot ... they got squeamish and cried "noooooooooon!". I saw people with baguettes a lot more frequently in Angers than in Grenoble, but every dinner there is a baguette ...

7. The French don't bathe often and dowse themselves in perfume.

...
I was told that it is normal for French people not to shower for three days because it is not good for your skin (they are right in a way), though my host mom in Angers at least showered every morning because I always heard the shower running and when I went down to eat breakfast her hair was wet. The French do wear a lot of perfume, but I think it is for another reason ...

8. France is filthy. It smells bad and there is garbage everywhere.

Sometimes when I turn down a street I smell this awful, awful smell and it is always the same smell and has happened in every French city I have ever been in. I am always thankful when someone walks by dowsed in perfume/cologne. Someone suggested it could be the sewage system, but something needs to be done about it. And I hate to admit it, but yes, France is dirty. It is like people don't know how to throw shit away. I've been told it is a lot better than it used to be, but compared to Alaska, London, and Ireland ... yeah. It is the biggest downfall of France, I think.

9. Wine and Cheese.

Yeahhh ... some families have both for every lunch and dinner.

10. They smoke. A lot.

My second-hand smoke inhalation has quadrupled since I've come to France.

11. They are 'chic' and sophisticated fashion junkies.











12. They all wear berets.

They will deny it, but my observation skills note that I see at least three people per day wearing one.

13. They are romantic.

Yeah, I'd say they are at least more publicly romantic than Americans are.

14.  Mustaches and striped shirts.

This apparently comes from a specific region in France, and the only time I've ever seen someone wear that costume was at a tasting fair thing ... because they were representing their region. It is from the region of Breton. As for mustaches, I'd say the French men I've seen that are my age tend to be a little scruffy, but not full out mustaches really.

15. They are artistic.

Yeah, but just as much as everyone else, I think.

And since that is all of my known French stereotypes at the moment, there you have it! Despite its negatives, France is still lovely and wonderful.