Life

I am back in Alaska, have been for almost a week now. I spent the week before in Hawaii, which was an experience in the least. Of course, leaving Japan has hit me harder than France did, though I'm finding better ways to cope this time around. I'm actually in a good mood right now so I don't plan to get emotional over explaining how my trip to Hawaii then to Alaska went.

I will say a few things about Hawaii. I went snorkeling for the first time, something that was honestly exhausting but not as terrifying as I had previously imagined. I fell asleep on the beach, received a nasty sunburn on my legs of all places. I used so much sunscreen except on my legs because I had a brain malfunction and figured legs would handle themselves. Lesson learned. I also went to a luau and learned a bit about Polynesian and Hawaiian history, or culture anyway. Hawaii truly is a paradise but next time I'd like to visit someplace other than Honolulu and its commercialised "paradise". I was a bit melancholic in Hawaii but have been making sure to keep in touch with my friends that I made in Osaka. They were some of the closest friends I have ever made in my life and I wonder if I will ever be able to make such good friends again. I miss them every day.

I have been "climatized" (not sure if that is a real word but it is for now) so Alaska is really cold. I can't seem to give up Celsius and still keep my phone and computer synched with the metric system. Anyway, Alaska is beautiful but very inconvenient. I am so far away from everything. Even the buffalo herd that was a twenty minute walk away has been sold apparently. I live in the middle of nowhere. I told myself I'd appreciate it when I returned ... I do like the clean air, fresh water ... but solitude didn't seem to mean the same to me as it once did. Don't get me wrong, I am the type who needs their solitude but there is something lonely about it. Loneliness is not often a word muttered by a good chunk of Alaskans, and I never said it (if I had I wouldn't have meant it) prior to going abroad.

Well, that's enough of that. Let's just say that at this point in my life I am meant to travel. People are always giving me suggestions for future careers and whatnot ... I recognize the kindness but I have thought of many things to do and every single one does not fulfill my inner desire. I'll figure it out on my own. It's always "when will you get married", "when will you graduate", "what job/career will you do", "you should be this, you should do that". I simply don't know nor do I care right now. I'm going with the flow. Shit will happen when it happens. I'll figure out my career/future whatever when I do. I don't need pushing from my family and friends, thank you very much.

Okay, I think I'll be done for now. Enough of my ranting. I'll return to Writing Prompt Monday, if I don't forget anyway. I'll update more when I feel like it!

Toodles!

Farewell Japan!

Tomorrow I will be on a plane to China where I will sit in Beijing Airport for nine hours, clutching my bags and probably feeling really depressed. I remember when I had a ten hour layover in Germany after leaving France and how absolutely morose I felt the entire time. So far, getting ready to leave Japan has been far harder than leaving France. Perhaps it is because I have stayed in Osaka longer than I stayed in either Angers or Grenoble. Or maybe it is because I have met so many friends who I have had with me for the past eight months. Either way, I have bawled my eyes out last night and this morning, which is very out of character if you know me and my "I only cry maybe five times a year" policy. Even when I do cry it is usually only for a few moments then I am done, but this time it has been a constant, hour long cry fest. I don't know what to do with myself. Who is this person?

All jokes aside, I am very nervous to leave Japan and very emotional. I have anxiety, and I have come to learn how to manage it; however, these last few months in Japan my usual methods simply have stopped working. Breathing exercises work for a few seconds, but then the anxiety comes right back. It is miserable and painful, but I will find new ways to find relief.

I think that I have covered this before, but whenever someone asks me about how my time abroad went I am always faced with a conundrum. It is like trying to comprise everything that you have done in eight whole months together and give them one word about it. I have found out a way to get the point across by mostly saying, "There was everything, good, bad, happy, sad ... but that's what makes it the whole experience." I think people are usually surprised by the answer. It seems as though most people just want to hear you say how fantastic it was, since I guess most people associate bad with miserable and something you don't want. But when you go abroad, sometimes the bad is good. It is all a part of the experience. Without the bad, how do you fully appreciate the good? Sometimes it's nice to look back at how bad things went and laugh a little.

I'm not the type to have any regrets, but I do have one regret. It is a bit of a personal regret, but I think that I will be able to accept it eventually. I still have one day to maybe fix the regret; I will find out.

In Japan, I fell in love. No, really. I thought I had but when i "fell out" of love I realized that it hadn't been love, just strong crush feelings. However, there was someone else that I had fallen in love with, but it took me a long time to realize that. It is complicated. I haven't admitted anything but maybe I should before I leave. Then I will have no regrets left. Love is complicated. People are complicated. I am not usually a romantic or the type to fall in love, but I guess it took me by surprise. As someone recently told me, "Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time (place? I can't remember now)." It hurts, but what can you do?

Anyway, away from that ... Japan has been everything. I have experienced too much, and I don't think words are satisfactory enough. I love the friends I have made, and I love Japan. I can't choose between France and Japan because the experiences were so different. I love both countries. This is the end of my two year journey, and I thought I would have a lot to say, but I don't. I don't have words.

My host mother was so fantastic. She was like a real mother to me, just as my French host mother in Grenoble was. All of my host families have been fantastic and I can't choose between them.

Before I cry more (Zeus Almighty! What has happened to me?) I'll end this blog post with some of my favorite things about Japan and France:

1. French Healthcare. I've said it before and I'll say it again.
2. Trains! Trams!
3. Japan's obsession with cute/small things.
4. Both countries have such a long history.
5. Architecture.
6. French sense of humor.
7. Osaka's uniqueness in strict, serious Japan.
8. Japanese television.
9. Good food.
10. Game Centers in Japan (maybe the Lower 48 has this but Alaska sure doesn't ... maybe Anchorage but I'm not going to drive for six to seven hours for a Game Center).
11. Real spring.
12. Real autumn.

For now, that is all. This ends my two year journey. I have new journeys to experience, such as Hawaii and then rediscovering Alaska!

Farewell Japan!

~Until Next Time

The Best Decision of My Life

Was to go abroad, but my second best decision was to buy a brand new, fancy razor for the first time. I usually always buy disposables, but I will never go back. Here are some reasons you should stop getting disposables and stop torturing yourself.

1. Disposables are cheap, and I am pretty cheap (and poor) ... however, cheap means low quality, low quality means spending more time to shave yourself with satisfactory (but not great) results. Non-disposables, on the other hand, great quality, less time, awesome results.
2. Expensive, non-disposable razors are better for the environment.
3. Non-disposables last longer.
4. They feel heavenly.
5. You will be confused as to why you tortured yourself for so long, but that's okay because now you have freed yourself.

That is today's quick blog post! I only have one week left so I've been busy and haven't had time to post my regular writing prompts!

Toodles

Long Time No Blog

I suppose it's not as long of a pause as I have had in the past, but I didn't realize I had missed last week until halfway through the week. I missed yesterday as I was extremely tired and even went to bed around 8:30 pm. Not too much has happened over the past two weeks, though I did go to Nara this last Sunday. It is one of Japan's oldest capitals and is known for its abundance of deer. I went with my student's family. Every Saturday I teach English to four kids. It is nice. This week there is a poster presentation that I worked most of last weekend and this weekend on, so I have been terribly busy. Other than, that most of the week blends together and I can't recall everything I've done even though I know there is more.

Today is Earth Day, so Happy Earth Day! I am very big on environment so I think Earth Day is pretty important. Although, I really think every day should be treated as Earth Day.

I only have two and a half weeks left in Japan. Since that is the case, I am going to give a list of the things I will miss when I return back to Alaska.

1. High-tech toilets. Everyone seems to be terrified by them but they are so convenient. Also, they have pictures on them so I don't understand why people think they are difficult. I mostly just like them for the warm seats and the sound button (makes a flushing sound or nature/birds chirping sound that is louder than you). I absolutely cannot use public restrooms when other people are in there at the same time for fear that someone will hear me. It's irrational but comes with so much anxiety it is stressful. Thank you, Japan. I will greatly miss your innovation to make bathroom time anxiety-free. Honestly though, I'm not sure how Green the warm toilet seat is ... though I know they added the noise button because Japanese girls are apparently like me and would flush the toilet every time just so people couldn't hear them. The sound takes less energy and wastes less than flushing the toilet so ... yeah.
2. Trains. I have a whole blog post on trains about three or four posts back. I love trains.
3. Food. American food sucks. The idea of returning to eating greasy, sugar-pumped, plastic-tasting food makes me cringe and want to weep. Every American needs to get a passport and get the hell out of the U.S. long enough to realize just how awful the food is so that it can change and become healthier. When I return I am going organic only.
4. Being able to walk to places. Five minutes and there is a supermarket ... in Alaska it would take me maybe two hours to walk to the nearest store (I don't know, I live in the outskirts of an already small town that is about fifteen minutes by car and I am a slow walker ... town only has one grocery store ... the bigger city is two hours to drive to ... so ... yeah... goodbye convenience).
5. For the most part, the idea that religion is rather 1. dangerous, or 2. very personal. Even if they want you to convert to their religion, Japanese culture is very passive and respectful. You can always say "I'll think about it ..." which pretty much means "no thanks." and they'll leave you alone. In the U.S. if you are not a Christian you will have people tell you nice things like, "you're going to hell", "you must not be happy", and ... yeah, there is a lot more but I'll leave it at that.
6. Did I mention food? Okonomiyaki ... tacoyaki ...
7. Farewell good internet ... I will miss you. Though apparently some people think that Japanese internet is the best, which is a complete lie. South Korea has the best internet in the world. Japan is ... so-so. Mine likes to shut off occasionally. France's was better.
8. Healthcare. Yeah, after experiencing paying only 1500 yen (15 bucks) for a doctor visit and five different types of medicine, antibiotics included ... I will totally pay taxes for that. I kind of really do not understand how that is a bad thing. Also, it is actually more expensive for a foreigner than it is for the Japanese. I mean, Japan's taxes are only 8%, which isn't like say ... Sweden or Iceland ... 24% and whatnot. Still ... cheap healthcare, cheap schooling ... hmm ... after all, the U.S. comes to about number 37 in the world for healthcare and health outcome. France is pretty high up on the list, I think France may be higher than Japan, though I find Japan to be cheaper. Perhaps in emergency situations France is better since I have heard that the Emergency Room in Japan can get frustrating. It is probably because of paperwork.
9. The history that exists for Japan. It is a very old country and has old religions, old architecture, old everything.
10. I will miss using Celsius and some bits of the metric system. I have gotten used to it since I've been using it for two years (I don't know the metric system too well, but I don't really know the imperial/standard system that well either [I just think it is hilarious that it's called the standard system when the only country that uses it is the U.S., how the hell is that standard]). I suppose I can still use them but Americans get all weird and offended about it. Not that I really care about offending people ...
11. Convenient stores. They are everywhere and have just about everything in them.

Disclaimer: I don't have an opinion of which system is better than the other regarding metric vs. standard. I simply do not care which is better. Use whichever one you want. They both have pros and cons.


Things I will not miss!

1. Pollution. Yeah, it's not as bad as China, blah, blah, blah ... so I guess if something is not the absolute worst that means it is okay? For some reason not being able to see the stars at night, coughing and wheezing all the time, people getting sick and having asthma at higher rates thanks to pollution, and acid rain is okay as long as it's not China!
2. So I have had a lot of experience with different cultures and I have to say that the Japanese, so far, are number one with the excuse of, "But it's our culture!" in order to defend really racist, sexist, and overall, shitty things that are not acceptable to the rest of the developed world.
3. Sexism. It's worse in Japan than in the U.S. and France. It is obviously worse. Also, xenophobia. Unfortunately, Japan's xenophobia is predicted to only get worse, but we will see in the future how that goes.
4.  Too many people.
5. People staring at me.
6. You cannot pay bills online or with a card. It must be cash and it must be at the post office or city hall.
7. Paperwork. Ugh. Just ... yeah ... the amount of paperwork to do anything is completely absurd.

Bonus: This one doesn't really count because Alaska also has this issue ... but why the hell does fax even exist still?


Things I look forward to in Alaska!

1. American food is terrible, however, in Alaska there are a lot more organic choices. I really prefer river fish to ocean fish. Japan mostly does ocean fish while interior Alaska does more of the river types. Also, Alaskan salmon and crab is significantly better. Halibut is so expensive in Japan, it is almost cry-worthy.
2. Nature. Ugh, nature. Except that bad or no internet thing ...
3. Winter. Two years without snow that sticks or real winter is so depressing.
4. Clean air. The city with my university has some air pollution, mostly because of wood burning and car exhaust, but it is nothing compared to Japan or France (in turn is not even compared to China, I guess). Nothing tops my hometown, though. The air is great, except when there are forest fires or strong winds that make dust storms.
5. Wildness. Alaska has a wildness that I don't know if I can explain.
6. I can use the term "below" for temperature without people becoming confused (seems as though most English speakers and the English taught to foreigners is "minus"). I can also use Lower 48 to reference the contiguous United States. "Outside" to reference anything outside of Alaska, "Break-Up Season" to reference spring ... Alaskan slang.
7. No more having to worry about exchange rates.
8. Carefree attitude. Little stress, slow-pace lifestyle. Alaskans usually are pretty difficult to offend compared to Lower 48ers ...


Things I do not look forward to in Alaska!

1. Dryness. Interior Alaska is a subarctic desert.
2. Forest fires.
3. The sun in summer. It "goes down" for maybe an hour, that hour being mostly a dark blue and not really "darkness".
4. I hear that this is a very common issue with people who have travelled abroad and gone places in the world, but I feel like people back home are very uneducated about the world/close minded.
5. American politics and "America only" mindset. American politics are not the only politics in the world. They are not the only messed up politics in the world either. Other countries are worse or better than the U.S. regarding politics.
6. Bread ... France really, really spoiled me in the bread department ...

For now, I will end this blog post. No Writing-Prompt Monday (though it is Tuesday for me ...) today. Since I am getting ready to leave Japan, I will be very busy and a bit stressed out as I try and do things I want to do before leaving.

Until Next Time~

A Full Blog Post

Let's start this blog off with a bang! We'll begin with food. This little fish is called Taiyaki. They are very popular at festivals and are absolutely delicious! It is fried bread (kind of pancake-tasting) with some kind of filling, usually red bean paste ... though I've tried green tea and chocolate too.  This first picture was at Osaka Castle and was chocolate. I actually had that one the most recent.

The second picture (on the top right) was in Sakuranomiya, one of the best places to see the sakura (cherry blossoms) in Osaka. This one was green tea, which I think is my favorite filling so far ... though I did like the red bean paste too.

This last week the cherry blossoms were out and about. They were very beautiful. I think they are kind of like the aurora borealis, you can see all the pictures you want of it, but it really isn't the same as seeing it for yourself.

The picture to the lower right is of my feet, some chocolate I bought, a little branch of cherry blossoms (that I picked up off the ground, picking them from the tree itself is taboo and really a big no-no), and some kind of drink that is actually in the fridge still.

The other photo to the left is of me holding a sakura blossom that had fallen off of its branch.

We're going back a little, the picture to the left is of a sort of candy they eat in Japan. March 3rd was Girl's Day, a day where you celebrate having a daughter. People will show off by putting up little dolls on display. These treats are also given to the girls and is kind of like mochi, pounded rice.
The picture to the right is the only tofu I've liked.

The picture here is of candy. It's just glorified sugar. Same with the Konpeito. The green stuff off to the far right is weird, jello-like, traditional Japanese sweets. I was not fond of it.

 To the left is oysters, the green stuff mayonnaise and some spices and the red being salsa. The right has raw octopus and veggies (raw food at this point means nothing to me. France was also big on raw meat, so I've long been used to it ... raw horse, raw rabbit, raw octopus, raw beef, raw pork, raw fish, raw egg , raw pretty much everything ...)

 Mochi is sweet, pounded rice cake ... it is very gooey and stick, but very delicious. One of my favorite things here. That is what you see on the left, though the mochi is underneath the reddish-brown stuff. That is red bean paste and is a specialty in Shizuoka (Mt. Fuji area). The picture on the right is sashimi/sushi. Tuna.

 This was a fun meal. The little dish to the right are little baby eels. The whole thing. I've already been eating a lot of them, so they're not too strange for me. Off to the left there was some sea urchin, which I wasn't too fond of ... more eels, and more tuna sashimi.

Lastly, what is this? That is a fish skull with its eyeball intact. I asked if the eyeball was edible and I guess that was an invitation for me to try it out. At first I was hesitant, but I pried the eye out of its skull and stared at it until I braved the courage to eat it. The lens was interesting, but what really surprised me was when I bit down it was surprisingly kind of tough.

Though, to be entirely honest ... it was the most delicious part of the meal. Fish eyeballs are really good. The flavor is just perfect.




So, I went to Mt. Fuji this weekend. It was great. I went to an onsen (hot spring) where you could see the mountain as you bathed, it was fantastic. I really love onsen, I think they are very atmospheric, and honestly ... I think it is a bit disappointing that in Alaska you have to go in with a bathing suit. The water feels a lot better naked. They should just do what Japan does, have a women section and a man section and people can go in naked to enjoy the water (though I guess there are onsen in Japan where it is not gender split). Wearing clothes in the hot spring would completely destroy the atmosphere. It feels like you're going into a swimming pool, not into a spring with nice water that has minerals and whatnot. It has an earthiness, a wildness that I wish people were a little less weird about in the U.S.

So, it is writing prompt Monday. I came across this writing prompt "Make me fall in love with the character, and then in the last sentence make me hate them," but as I said ... I went to Mt. Fuji this weekend, which was a whole weekend of driving basically. I am exhausted. So something small will have to do. I found this: http://www.warren-wilson.edu/~creativewriting/Prompts.php ... number 18. In case your internet is slow or you don't want to click a link, the prompt is:

"18) Describe the room of one of the following: a high school student about to drop out; a cashier who has just won the lottery; a faded movie star who still thinks she's famous; a paranoid person, etc (see full list of suggestions in What If? Writing Exercises for Fiction Writers). Be as detailed as possible."


I'll do each of them, a few sentences for each ... and maybe you'll have to guess which room belongs to whom? High school student about to drop out, faded movie star, cashier won lottery, a paranoid person?

1. A cozy, yet worn-out recliner took up the far end of the room, its faded color clashing with the dark curtains that were floral print in design. They hadn't been opened in a long while, but they did allow for some light to come through as the fabric was thin. There wasn't much for decoration in the small space. A fold-up bed, a closet that's doors had been broken off long ago, a dresser with a few misplaced photos and the delicate necklace the owner had forgotten to put on for the day, and some tubs filled with random knickknacks. Although a bit bare, there was a small pet bed for an old friend. The plump cat that took up one of the corners always managed to give its owner a peace of mind.

2. It was the type of room that would have the owner denying disorganization by saying they were the "messy organized" kind of person. Clothes piled high no matter how many times the room was cleaned, random socks thrown across the room. There was a stash of junk food in a grocery bag next to the desk, because one never knew when it was snack time. Lost items were everywhere, never to be found thanks to a scatterbrained owner. A bag of chips on the bed, waiting for their master to return and eat them after a long day. The messy room was always full of hope though, the owner always looking around, nodding and telling themselves they'd get around to cleaning. The next clean-up would be the clean-up and the room would never be messy again.

3. The trophies on the wall hadn't always had the odd, cancer-like effect they did now. Before, they lit the room up, making everything appear brighter. Now, the room seemed dim, even with the windows open and curtains rustling in the wind. Trophies weren't the only thing that decorated the walls, photos joined them, smiling faces looming, watching. There were happier things. A ring on the nightstand, new and glistening. Although there was something bright in the room, it couldn't light up the shadows that crawled around, owning the room.

4. It had been out of style for at least fifteen years, but that didn't stop a closet full of bright reds, blues, yellows, and greens. The clothing would definitely come back in style soon. The boudoir was newer, nice mahogany and rich lacquer that made its surface shine. Lit up, the room had more windows than necessary, but the view was worth it. Her kids were embarrassed of the room, but the photos and newspaper clippings that clung to the frequently polished mirror never dampened anyone's spirits.


All right, it is getting late for me so I rushed the last bit. If you want to figure out which room belongs to which person by yourself, read no further ... and once you think you figured it out, come back and read the next paragraph.

Some may be more obvious than others. The first paragraph goes to the paranoid person. A paranoid person is similar to everyone else with their forgetfulness (leaving the necklace behind). They keep their curtains closed, have a few necessities in their room. The cat was to show that often times paranoid folk like to have something close for comfort. The second paragraph was for the cashier. A bit cluttered and stuck in a routine (how we often find ourselves in jobs like cashiers) but with high hopes of eventually getting the room clean (winning the lottery, starting anew). The third paragraph was the drop out. I've met a lot of girls who dropped out to get married, thinking it would be perfect only to get divorced and regret their choices later on. Not to say all do, but this is supposed to reflect the cases that do have the regret. Although marriage seems like the right choice and glitters bright and is full of hope, the rest of the room is shrouded in regret that can only be distracted from for so long before the ring's glitter will die out. Lastly, the fourth one is the faded star. She has her old style, clinging to the past and even her kids think she should jump into the present. However, she is happy the way she is, with her memories (the pictures and newspaper clippings). We shouldn't let go of the happiness our past gave us, but we should make new memories and new happiness (the open windows that allow for a lot of light to come in with a great view = opportunities).

Until next time~

Mondays: Writing Prompts

I've seriously been lacking in the update category for this blog. I do think of it often, but that doesn't please the readers. I was having up to seventy views every now and then but as of late I have just been so busy with school, a bit of melancholia, hobbies (I have to be honest, I get stuck drawing, writing, reading, or playing video games and don't get around to important things), and now I am sick. My lovely friends went to Tokyo and brought back an ugly cold then gave it to me.

I have a terrible head cold, started with the usual sore throat and then made its way to a miserable, stuffy nose ... headache, slight fever, the whole shebang. I took the day off since this week I have a big presentation and wish to be 100% better before then. I forced through the sickness and did things this weekend, even though I really shouldn't have. I'm paying the price now. When sick with a cold, I have such a difficult time sleeping and usually get hit a bit harder than the initial illness. Perhaps I have a weak immune system, I don't know.

Although I have a headache and my eyes are a bit blurry, I can't stand to nap any longer. Sleeping is almost more effort than it is worth since I have to sleep on my back or I can't breathe through my nose. I absolutely cannot stand breathing through my mouth and when I sleep on my back I sometimes get sleep paralysis. In case you don't know what sleep paralysis is, it is really awful.

Anyway, I can't really think memory-wise to update on everything ... just know that the cherry blossoms are happening this week and I'll be going the countryside near Mt. Fuji this weekend.

From now on, I think I'd like to proclaim Mondays as "Writing Prompt Day" since I have been slacking on updates. Next Monday may get a break since I am not sure when I will be back from Mt. Fuji (I'm not going to climb it, that I am aware anyway).

Why a writing prompt? Well, I like to write and I figured writing prompts would be a good way to improve my writing. I've always been a bit hesitant about writing on the internet. Although I have self-published one book (that I am going to pull off the market, I keep saying it but I really am. I look back at it and think of how horrendous it is. I thank everyone for the support, but I wrote that when I was fourteen), I am nervous about people seeing my writings. I'm not worried about criticism; I can handle that.

Maybe it is because I have read one too many bad fanfictions* ... or young writers who litter their work with Mary-Sues* and Weeaboo* characters.

*Quick explanation in case you don't know these terms:
fanfiction basically fan written stories of already published work (example: fanfiction of Harry Potter, Star Wars, Pokémon, et cetera).
Mary-Sue/Marty Stu an original, usually self-insert character that you created in your fanfiction (though I've heard the term used for original work too) that is super perfect and has no flaws; therefore, the character lacks character development and is uninteresting to readers.
Weeaboo people who are really obsessed with Japanese culture/entertainment. Usually to the point they think/pretend they are, or want to be, Japanese and actually know very little about the real culture outside of Japanese animation and comic books. The term is used for real life people, but when I say Weeaboo characters ... I mean characters that are basically Mary-Sue but written by a Weeaboo so have all the Japanese/anime/manga flair to them.

Basically, I have read a lot of fanfictions and original work by writers who fall into the category of, "I am such an awesome writer, my characters are really awesome and totally not Mary-Sue! Please read and I'm going to publish my fanfiction and ........" yeah. Why am I mentioning this? Because maybe I've read too many embarrassing writings on the internet and it makes me feel embarrassed of my own writings. I don't write fanfiction, but I am shy and overly critical of my writing.

Either way, I suppose I'll do what I intended to do with this blog post ... write.
I picked this writing prompt up on Facebook, it was a while back so I can't remember where exactly.

1.Use one, some or all of the following words in a story, scene or poem (I'll attempt all ... since this is just a writing exercise it'll be a bit sloppy. My worst is first person writing, so I will give it a try):

Coffee, star, pen, match, envy

Park, window, fear, strand, frame

Her picture was all that I had left. The frame was dusty and cracked, but the picture itself was well preserved. I gently brushed the dirt away, stumbling my way through the wreckage in order to find an exit. A shattered window made for an excellent escape from the abandoned home, as I no longer wished to stay. Unexpectedly, a wall of rubble blocked any knowable path. Instead of crawling up it with a clunky picture frame, I pried it open and slipped the photo out. The back of the picture was stained yellow from age, but the ink was readable as it appeared to be written in pen. I didn't bother reading it, that wasn't important. The frame was tossed to the ground, picture folded and deposited in a pocket, and then I began my climb. 

It didn't take long to reach the top. I sat down, no longer bothered by the tiredness that hung around me. There was a park in the distance; though, one couldn't tell now. My grandmother used to take me there, drinking her coffee and smoking her cigarettes. I never liked the smell the match would make before she lit one up, but at this point in time I wouldn't mind it. 

Finally, I brought the picture out in its unfolded glory in front of me. Besides the frame I had so callously tossed away, it was all I had in this world. There was a woman in the picture. I did not know her, but she was beautiful and shining. I didn't doubt that she had been a star in many people's lives. Her time was gone; she was lost in a strand of time that I could no longer reach. My envy for her grew. I envied her for after my many years of searching, her picture was all that I could find. Her existence outlasted everyone else's, and I did not know her. But most of all, I envied that she could no longer feel the fear of a dying world where the only thing that existed was her photo.

Ah, well, there is today's writing prompt. I wanted to make it short. It's not a part of anything, so the story is that. It's a bit sloppy, but I didn't get around to actually writing it until about 8:30 pm and I am sick.

Unsure of when I will update next, but until next time~

I love trains.

But seriously.

It's been forever since I've updated, I know. Nearly two months now. The last two months have been stressful and long. To be honest, I've been a bit moody as well. Occasionally I fall into this mood where I have absolutely no motivation, bad anxiety, and kind of just hang out in this odd haze of melancholia. Usually it comes and goes, not lasting more than a week or so, but it's been hanging out more as of these last two months than the norm allows for.

Anyway, not too much happened in February. Went to Osaka castle and looked at the plum blossoms. The castle was a major disappointment, mostly because the inside was modernized with an elevator and everything. Albeit that, the outside was nice. There was a Chicken Ramen Museum field trip, and I received a grant from my university. One of the things that had been contributing to my melancholia was how I would always eat in my room. My host mom would bring my food to me there. It happened for about two-ish months when finally, last week I casually mentioned how eating alone was lonely. I guess it did have something to do with my host father, as she asked if I was okay to eat with him around. Apparently he has weirded out other students. But either way, now I eat with them and it is a lot better.

Other than that, there isn't a lot to update on. My pain has been gradually getting worse, and my pain pills aren't working as well as they used to. I worry about family at home on a daily basis, to the point it intermingles with my already bad case of nightmares. I have them at least three to four times a week, and it is rarely just ever one in one night. Sometimes I have up to four or five during one night. Honestly, I have no idea what to do with my life. I am dried up and out of loan money and I can't take anymore out this year. Besides, I really don't want to because I am already almost $40,000 in debt. So if I don't get a job this summer I can't return to school next semester. I'm pretty desperate for a job, will pretty much do anything. This has been ongoing for a long while, and maybe everything is just catching up with me.

But besides my complaining, I am a bit torn on the melancholia. Sometimes I like it because, honestly, my creativity goes up a lot during this time. On the other hand my motivation drops and I just lie around in "the haze". I feel like I am literally in a haze. My thoughts just kind of waver around and the world around me feels unreal. I escape into fantasy worlds where life is easier and I get stuck there with little to no intentions of getting out.

Well, that's enough of that. Let's return to the title of this entry: I love trains (high-speed rails). There are many reasons why I love trains and why you should love them too:

1. They are convenient.
2. Let's be honest, they are really awesome looking.
3. I enjoy how smooth they are while travelling. Also, I like the sounds of going over the train tracks.
4. They are apparently Green! Yay! Less carbon emission! Save the planet! I'm a hippy!
5. So fast.
6. In case you didn't know why people usually take buses or trains ... in the end, it's because they are cheaper than buying a car and paying for gas. Except buses are really expensive in Japan ... not sure what that's about really ...
7. You can go lots of places! More opportunities!
8. Cozy. Sleep-inducing.
9. People watching!
10. Because they are awesome.

I read this article that talked about how they were looking into a train system that would go through the U.S., up through Canada and Alaska then speed through Russia. I really hope they do something like that, since I recall stops in Fairbanks and Anchorage. I imagine that it would make it easier for Alaskans to leave Alaska, and maybe influence more Alaskans to get passports.

So, for today, that's all I have. Some complaining about melancholia and some train talk. I hope it wasn't terribly boring! I'll leave you with some food photos (all taken by me).

 Just some soba (noodles) with a steamed bun.

 This goes into nabe (hot pot), they are see-through noodles that are kind of slimy but delicious.

 Some kind of cookie-thing. It was delicious.

 Takoyaki (little balls of flour, cabbage, and one other thing ... they also have octopus in it.) They are my second favorite Japanese food.

 Some kind of seaweed food. It has a very nice flavor.

 This was for New Year's. Miso soup with mochi (pounded rice cake) inside.

 This was also for New Year's. Every food in it has some kind of signification (vitality, luck, money, et cetera).

 This is eaten for a holiday where they throw rice outside to scare away bad spirits and demons. It is actually really big.

 Valentine's Day chocolate from my host mom.

 Natto, fermented beans. Really slimy and smells weird. It is one of those foods where people are really hesitant to try it, even some Japanese people don't like it. It wasn't bad.

 Chicken Ramen museum. Made our own ramen. This one was mine c: (haven't eaten it yet).

 Nabe (hotpot)

Just a selection of traditional Japanese food.












Until Next Time~